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Peter:Are you still struggling with questions of life?
Ben:ohh my god the same old issue:) well this life was created by human beings to torture themselves i think. and even though it is not fair, this is a truth that i have to accept. i mean i enjoy the money that boring job provides me with pleasure but the other 29 days before the payday is hell:) sorry not optimistic but i am preparing to get out of this cycle in at most 10 years.
Peter:Forgive me my remark, but do you think that one activity can fulfill you more than another activity? Are not all activities more or less 'the same'? Please don't start thinking about suicide now ;) but how do you see it?As you know I have studied philosophy in an attempt to find the meaning of life. As if studying philosophy by it's very nature was more useful than working in a bookstore for example, which I did at the time. But in fact, I have experienced the contrary; it doesn't matter what I do, or where I go. It is always me, who haunts me. My question about the meaning of life kept following me where ever I went, and whatever I did. I could not escape it.So personally, I came to the point of view that this whole issue about life has to do with myself, with the way I am, with the way I look into this world.I needed a thorough experience which shook me and my view on this world. I needed to be buttkicked, so to speak, in order to see myself. I can only say this afterwards, as such an experience indeed has taken place, while at that very moment I could not see the full meaning of it. This is, of course, something religious, which can be found in Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and all kinds of other religions. (I will not tell you which direction I have stumbled into, otherwise you might think I am some religious fanatic trying to convert you to some strange ideas ;) You must find your way yourself, of course.)Anyway, I am 38 now, and finally I can say with utmost happiness, that there is nothing I need, and that life is perfect as it is. I can eat, drink, I have an apartment of my own, with my memories, my books, and music. What else is there to search for? As the famous Dutch philosopher Spinoza said: reality and perfection are the same!A rational approach, which I tried for many years, did not work for me; I am a philosopher who does not believe in the power of thinking, isn't that strange? ;) ...therefore, I always ask these questions to see how people try to deal with their struggle for finding a meaningful life. It strikes me how for most people, including myself, rationality plays a major role in trying to find an answer.Sorry for this long story, and I sincerely hope you are not insulted in any way. But as you have spoken so open about your ideas, the least I can do is to be open about my way of living.
Ben:as a starter researcher in this issue, many times i come to the conclusion that actually we as human beings are the ones who make this life and living complicated since simplicity and acception is actually seams to be the answer.thats why i always envy even am jealous of the people of my own age whose biggest problem is that the t-shirt they liked in the store is sold out:) at this point i totally agree with you when you say you dont believe in thinking. wish we all could stop it-at least i could:)
and please dont worry there is no way i am gonna kill myself since i deep inside this life is worth living till the last second and trying to find a better way to do it.
even though i come to one conclusion with my mind, with the help of the thoughts and experiences of other people or books, i still need a buttkicking experience too, i believe, because i as a whole cant accept that conclusion totally before my soul also comes to the same conclusion with my mind.

the reason i am saying that, is that i spend my days watching a fight between my mind and soul which are trying to convince the other one that he is right. and i am the refree here:) imagine how tiring it is!! and it will not stop untill they agree on something.

maybe it is a matter of time, i mean maybe i will -i hope- be thinking the same you do right now, so happy inside and in peace but this is period that i have to spend until then.
Peter:Well, about that suicide, good to hear it does not come to your mind. I mentioned it, because when I started with studying philosophy at the university, there were 20 students in my year, of which 2 committed suicide, and of which 5 ended up completely crazy.
A human being is very inventive when it comes to find satisfaction in small things. T-shirts, work, watching movies, drink alcohol, use drugs, and even trying to live for charity or trying to save the earth from heating does not help. Because in the end I always return to my good old self. How annoying this is! Kierkegaard, a Danish philo sopher on wh om I graduated, wrote many interesting books on the issues we are talking about. He demonstrates how people always try to get rid of their lives , and he describes in many ways how inventive we all are not to face our situation. He does so with a lot of irony and subtle humor, and besides the philosophical importance, his books are real highlights in world literature.
Anyway, the hope is a good thing of course! At the same time the question rises how I can have an experience which changes my view on daily life. Such an experience is a frightening thing , because in some way or another it will change my life completely. In some way or another I will lose my good old identity, where I felt comfortable, and where at the same time I felt so bored. So this is the area where someone needs guidance ; a person who knows and who can be trusted. A nd it is also an area where there are many people trying to deceive others, and people trying to make profit from sincere spiritual need . So it is important to be careful!
As mentioned earlier, I am not such a spiritual guide ( am just a philosopher - phew!), and I also will not tell you wh o I trusted, as it will reveal the direction where I am heading; which in itself is not that bad, but I want to prevent giving the impression that my direction is The One And Only Way , since there are many ways. But also in my situation I had to find a teacher, someone I could trust, someone with whom I was comfortable enough to lose my identity, which in fact turned out to be nothing more than a masquerade. T his whole 'self ' which haunted me appeared to be the whole problem by itself .
Your remark on '…me being the referee between mind and soul ' is therefore a very precise description, I think . It is that ' me' playing the referee that needs to be buttkicked! So w hat is it? Where does it come from? Why does it exist? It 's the old philosophical adagium: to know yourself. Don' t they say that all wisdom start s with knowledge of the self ?

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